I haven’t been to a mall since the 1990’s, when I was in high school… until Saturday. Don’t be alarmed, we were only there for the food court. But I had to use the restroom, which, go figure, was conveniently placed on the far end of the entire mall, forcing me to walk past dozens of bizarre storefronts.
What were people shopping for there anyway? Did they really go to the mall for 27-pairs-for-5-dollar earrings? Is there no other Radio Shack in that town? What justifies renting a stroller to meander these halls?
And then I remembered: my high school days. The mall is more about the social connections than the shopping deals. People don’t go there for what they can buy—at least I can’t imagine why—they go there for who they will meet.
Are the people who own the mall ok with that? I’m sure they are. Because, clearly, people were buying stuff. Overpriced stuff they probably didn’t need.
So why can’t we be ok with it—at least a little—in youth ministry? No one would argue the fact that teens and pre-teens are keenly interested in relationship. They long to connect with people like them. They go to malls, after all.
But when they come to youth group or church, we mess them all up.
- We try to hush them when we’re teaching. As an occasional speaker, nothing thrills me more than to say something that causes a member of the congregation to lean to the person next to them and make a comment. Students are naturally this way, commenting their way through life and school on twitter and facebook. But we shush them, forbid their note-passing, and tell them to listen to us.
- We make them sit still. They sit still for 7 or 8 hours per day at school, and many of us have adopted the same approach. Sure, we stir up their energy and testosterone first with a funny-yet-competitive game with disgusting food items to swallow, but then we ask them to sit still while we apply biblical truth to the exercise. Squirm.
- We stir up their natural connections. They call them their friends. Outsiders call them cliques. Whatever they are, when they come to church we tell them not to talk to the people they’re most connected to. Instead, sit in this circle, with people you don’t like, and talk about deep and important things. Share your story with virtual strangers, please. And, oh yah, this adult you don’t trust will be your small group leader.
I wonder if there’s a better way. Wouldn’t it be ok if we would allow, even embrace, these traits of the students we serve?
Rather than hush them, could we encourage them to comment to their friends—hand-raising not required?
Instead of making them sit still, could we allow some to wander the room, to stand and sit—not on cue—but whenever they need to?
Could we allow them to share with their natural, organic small groups, rather than fight them for our superior mis-matched ones?
The mall has it figured out. If they can keep people coming, wandering those cavernous halls looking for friendship, they’ll fill their bags and empty their wallets along the way. We can do the same: create an environment that keeps them coming, for natural relational connectedness, for something different than every day at school, I bet they’ll take home at least a bit of the truth too.
How are you embracing natural relational connectedness in your youth ministry?
