In the 1980s, Nancy Reagan taught a generation to just say no to drugs. We really already knew that we should say no, the reality was we just didn’t know how to say no.
So we say no every day. We say no to things that will take up precious time, distract us from better things, and take us down wrong paths. It’s important to be able to say no, but it’s more important to be able to say it well.
I’ve already addressed my philosophical bent towards yes. I believe world-class customer service is characterized by people who say yes. Zappos said yes to free returns. Amazon’s Prime program says yes to 2-day shipping. And thousands of other great organizations will say yes to hotel guests, retail shoppers, and people enjoying a dinner out. As customers, we love to hear yes.
But what happens when you just can’t say yes? What happens when the request of a guest, coworker, or boss just can’t be accommodated?
- When you are asked to do something that compromises your integrity or values?
- When you lack the capabilities to meet the expectations?
- When it would prevent you from focusing on your primary mission or objective?
I still believe the answer is to find a way to say yes. It leaves a lasting positive impression on those we serve and serve with. It shows that we are committed to others first, and that we are looking for ways to expand our reach and influence. Here are three ways you can say yes without compromising anything:
Enlist their partnership.
“I would like to say yes. Do you understand the difficult position that would put me (or us) in? Let’s find a different way to get that done.”
This response clearly avoids the use of the word but, which has the power to erase our positive intention. It also engages the other person in the thought process which had led you to believe it would not be smart or right to say yes. Finally, it establishes a partnership to move forward with another, mutually agreeable option.
Focus on the end goal.
“That sounds interesting. I’m wondering, first, what you would like to accomplish.”
Here we are starting by taking a step back to identify what the desired outcome is, rather than just what they are asking for. Often, we could say yes to the goal, just not to the method. Once you get to the goal, it may take a bit of education to sell an alternative.
We often work with groups who call stating that they want a retreat and to do certain activities, which they list. They are answering the question, “What would you like to do?”
While we may have those activities and may even be able to provide them, we always redirect them to a different question: “What would you like to accomplish?” This allows us to suggest activities and experiences that may actually accomplish their goals better, and may, for one reason or another, be easier for us to say yes to.
One note here: prospective guest groups often have a stated budget and dreams for what they would like to do that are incompatible. However, we can almost always design an experience for them that meets their goals and is within, or very close to, their budget. It often doesn’t include everything on their original list, but results in a great experience.
Let them say no instead.
Sometimes, by educating your guests (or your boss) on the costs or tradeoffs associated with you saying yes, you can actually get them to say no themselves.
Recently we had an inquiry for a guest retreat from a group of a different faith. Now, we regularly welcome groups of no faith, like public school groups and business leadership training. We also often have campers attend our programs who are members of other faiths. We see both as opportunities to share our belief in Christ with them through our words and actions.
But we have not been in the habit of hosting religious groups of other faiths. So my initial reaction was to ask myself how can I say no? Before I could, they moved in a different direction, pursuing another venue. But I realized what a tremendous opportunity it could have been to minister to this group of kids who would likely not otherwise hear the Gospel. So here’s what could have been our response:
“We would love to host your group. As a general practice—because we are a Christian camp—we ask groups to agree to respect, though not necessarily agree with, our statement of faith. In so doing, we do not permit religious worship or teaching of other faiths on the property. In addition, since our mission is to help young people know and grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ, we would require an opportunity to present the Gospel to your group, giving them an opportunity to welcome Jesus Christ into their lives as their personal Lord and Savior.”
Of course, I would expect that they would have chosen to go elsewhere, perhaps to a conference center. But if they did agree, it would be an unusual and unprecedented opportunity for us to reach this particular group of kids.
Regardless of the method, our goal is still to always say yes. To find a way to exceed expectations and serve customers, guests, and coworkers, in a way consistent with our mission, vision and values.
How else could you say yes, when your gut says no?
